Sometime in the past week, I realized I've been chasing an impossible dream: the perfect binge.
As I sat on the airplane and wondered until what time the Magnolia Bakery was open and if I could make it there in time, I briefly considered what else I could and should eat before I started Day 1 of not bingeing. But I was landing at 10 pm on July 4, and I doubted much would be open by the time I got to New York. (I could still binge, of course, but everything I wanted might not be available.) I thought about how hard it would be to write the story I had to write if I woke up still full from a binge, and about how frustrated I'd be to feel that way and still not have had the perfect binge.
I thought about not bingeing, and it is here that I have another resentment to add to the pile: That what I am hoping was my last binge ever (the one the morning of July 4 in London) was not the perfect one, and that possibly the very last truly crappy unnecessary thing I may ever eat was an overly sugary piece of chocolate that was part of an airplane meal.
It was then that I realized the perfect binge is a fiction that just keeps me bingeing. What is the perfect binge, and why haven't I discovered it by now? And why, why, why – when nothing else in the world stops me – do I think I will suddenly stop bingeing if only I could achieve it?
***
I'd like to say there's nothing worse than a really bad yoga class, except obviously there are plenty of things much worse than that.
But a truly awful yoga class just sucks.
I took one today. It was unfortunate, because I haven't done yoga in ages, and this wasn't the reintroduction I had in mind.
It was a "vinyasa boot camp," and there was neither vinyasa nor boot camp. It was just lame. And if I'd wanted naptime yoga, which this sort of was (but not the good, I-also-feel-stretched-out kind), I wouldn't have chosen this particular teacher, who seemed to think she was some sort of comedienne.
I was particularly annoyed because she arrived nearly 20 minutes late, without so much as an apology. And I didn't have time to go and do a(nother) workout.
I muddled through today. Day six.
Perfect binge??! Erm, no such thing.
ReplyDeleteOne day, when you stop bingeing (which you will), you will have the perfect day where you eat lovely things and drink scrummy drinks and probably overdo it a little and feel a little full but don't binge. That won't be the perfect binge but it will be much better.
Well done on Day 6. Keep it up chuck!
Lesley xx
The perfect binge is the one that doesn't happen, because you realize that its happiness is only fleeting and it will only leave you full of regret and shame. Keep on keepin' on!
ReplyDeleteOh god yes, perfect binge...I would spend literally hours trawling through dozens of stores trying to find what it was that I was really craving (ignoring the niggling suspicion that it wasn't food at all)...sometimes I'd get so frustrated that I would just fall back on an old favourite - the satiating blend of hot & savoury and cold & sweet, other times I would make all new purchases. I would always be disappointed, the old favourite never being as good as I remembered, the new purchases failing to meet expectations. It's like a heroin addict chasing the dragon. It's hell on earth darling, and six days is mammoth an achievement...tomorrow is the week. x
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean -- especially the old favorite never as good and the new purchases not meeting expectations!
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